Commentary presented on Yom Kippur, October 8, 2008 at the

Congregation for Humanistic Judaism by Sandy Cadman

 Tefilla, Teshuva and Tsedaka

Yom Kippur is a time for Tefilla – a time for self-reflection, Teshuva – a time for returning to our values and ideals, and Tsedaka – a time to put our ethics into action.  It is a time for examining our behavior in the past, for assessing how well we’ve done, and for looking forward to fulfilling what is best in each of us 

Most of us know what we’d like to become:  the character we’d like to have, the actions we’d like to take, the gifts we’d like to share.  Even though we may know that there is a great distance between whom we are and who we’d like to be, most of us don’t stop reaching toward that goal. Yom Kippur gives us another chance to focus our thoughts on the person we’d like to become and what we might do to get there.

First, though, we need to know who we are.  Tefilla, or self-reflection, calls upon us to ask, “What have been my goals and how well have I achieved them?”  Having goals is important, but if we have goals but don’t have a specific plan for meeting them, we probably won’t make much progress toward reaching those goals.  

I have a couple of relatively simple personal goals – simple in nature, but not easy to achieve. I’d like to lose five pounds, but unless I make a conscious choice to cut back on the size of my portions and the amount of sweets I consume, the goal is worthless.  I know I need to exercise more, but I hate to exercise.  Exercising more frequently on a regular schedule can be my goal, but unless I set that schedule and actually put it on my calendar and then stick to it, the exercising won’t get done. 

Losing weight and exercising are goals that are very specifically for my own benefit.  I also have goals that are good for me, but would make life more comfortable for others as well.  I’d like to cope better with stress.  I especially find conflict very stressful, and try not to respond to it defensively.  Most of us live with stress.  There may be other situations that produce stress for you.  Stress is not something we usually look for, but at times it is something we must deal with whether we’d like to or not. And there are times when there are very good reasons for having stress in our lives.  

For all of us, modifying our responses to such situations will require some major changes in our behavior, and changing our behavior takes time and lots of practice.  Achieving these goals is not something we can do magically over night. After all, the persons we are today are a product of many years practicing the behavior we now want to change.  

I need to think of coping better with stress as part of a process, and have reasonable expectations for how I can slowly and steadily improve.  I might begin by thinking of the different strategies I could use, such as taking one day at a time, or breathing deeply and trying to relax, or looking at the circumstances from someone else’s point of view, or trying to find the humor in a stressful situation, or – most importantly – accepting what I cannot change.  Any or all of those strategies might help.  Keeping myself focused on the goals I want to reach as well as on some specific and realistic ways I can reach those goals will help me get there.  

Teshuva is about returning to our values and ideals. So we need to ask ourselves, “What have been the values and ideals that guided our behavior – our choices?”  Were they lower priorities – ones that offered expediency and practical rationalization, or were they higher ones – ideals toward which we needed to stretch ourselves and maybe take a risk in order to fulfill those principles?   

Often we’re confronted by difficult circumstances to which we must respond.  Our first reaction might be the easy way – the quick, less thoughtful way, perhaps a way that is hurtful to others and ultimately hurtful to ourselves as well.  As we consider a difficult situation more deeply, we will think of other responses, ones inspired by our higher values and ideals.  However, responses guided by our more highly valued principles frequently are more challenging for us to act upon. 

For example, as we grow older, we may find ourselves challenged in our relations with our adult children, many of whom have children of their own that they are guiding through life.  Although we love them deeply, we may still think of them as children. But they are mature adults with their own ideas about choices and goals.  There are times, I think, when we would like to give them unasked for advice, to help and to counsel them.  We think of it as offering the wisdom of our experience, but they may not see it that way.  They may see us as intruding into their domain where we don’t belong.  This is a time for Teshuva – returning to our values: for respecting the autonomy of our adult children as we would respect that of any other adult.  It is a time to step back, keep silent and support them as they make their own choices. 

Tsedaka is the hardest part of this trio of challenges on Yom Kippur.  It asks us to express our values and ideals – our ethics – through our actions.  As Humanistic Jews we are called upon to respond to our world with openness, embracing the differences of others, offering help and support to those in need.  We’re asked to broaden our horizons to include not just those we know, but also to include those we don’t know.  Giving aid and support to someone who will never know who we are but who will benefit from what we do is the greatest gift we can offer. 

When we, as members of CHJ, contributed toward sending Shelter Boxes to the people of Darfur, we performed acts of Tsedaka. Shelter Boxes provide temporary housing in tent-like structures.  They are especially useful in climates such as exist in Darfur. Our Social Action committee investigated the many ways we might help the people of Darfur, (and also the people of China following their devastating earthquake). Our Board wanted to be certain that whatever we did would actually help the people in need, and not be high-jacked by a corrupt government.  The Social Action committee discovered that Shelter Boxes were actually reaching the people on the ground. So that’s why we chose to send them to Darfur. We translated our humanistic and Jewish ethics into rational and helpful action. 

Sometimes our ethics call upon us to take a risk, to act in a way that may not be popular.  We’re asked to choose the road less traveled – not because it’s different or unique, but because it’s the right way to go.   About a year ago, twenty women gathered together in a Muslim home in Sarasota.  Ten of them were American Jews, ten were American Muslims.  Brought together by the Center for Religious Tolerance, they shared brunch and some thoughts about themselves and their dreams. They talked about building bridges between their cultures and their peoples.  They reached out to one another although their choice to do so may not have been a popular idea even among some members of their own groups. 

Although the membership has changed some, losing a few, gaining many others, those twenty women were the beginning of the Women’s Interfaith Network or WIN, the group that organized the Food Drive in which some of you participated on September 20^th.  With that Drive, WIN involved people from over 26 different congregations – Jewish, Muslim, Christian, Bahai, Buddhist, Mennonite – in recognition of the United Nations’ International Day of Peace.  The food collected by WIN was delivered on September 22^nd to the All Souls Food Bank in Sarasota.  It totaled about 1400 pounds and will feed over 1000 hungry men, women and children during very difficult times in their lives.  Nine of the ten Jewish women at that first meeting of WIN were Humanistic Jews. By reaching out to other women across religious and ethnic borders they performed an act of Tsedaka.  Then, by joining with other women of many faiths to help hungry families, they were Tsedakim again.   

We undertake acts of Tsedaka even when they may not be popular. We choose to do them even though there may be others who choose not to do so.  As we search our own hearts and minds and examine the values, ideals and principles that are most important to us, we make our own choices about how we will translate our ethics into action. We act in ways we hope are best for ourselves, for our families, for our community, for our nation, and for the world.   

On this Yom Kippur, I wish us all an opportunity for Tefilla – for self-reflection, and for Teshuva – for returning to our values and ideals.  Most of all, I wish for a year when our choices will bring satisfaction and fulfillment to us, as our acts of Tsedaka – when we make our ethics live – create a positive difference in the lives of others.  And I wish you all Shana Tova U’Metuka!  May you have a sweet and a very healthy New Year.